IDK AB U, I’M SLAYING 2022 #BCBA2022

We have officially entered the final quarter of the year, and one of my favorite things to do is to retrospect the looks that I’ve served since January.

I feel giddy writing about this because I didn’t get to do it in 2020 and 2021. In those previous years, I was much more focused on building myself internally from my lowest point which was the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. From there, I was also very selective about which brands to work with or which events to go to. In that way, I was not able to lose myself any further. And so, I am here today.

This year, I started to express from the inside out—I’ve gathered what I learned about myself and what I’ve made of it, then combined it with that ingenuity to bring something new. And what better way to do it than my favorite therapy: dressing myself up.

Continue reading IDK AB U, I’M SLAYING 2022 #BCBA2022

Queen Consort

“Queen consort” is what we should call straight girlies who accompany gays on gay nights out

I think that one of the most beautiful things in the world is sharing.

Take this one, for example. Going [and hoeing] back to Cebu after more than 2 years isn’t all as exciting as I’ve been saying it is. And the major reason is that I don’t have a fresh wardrobe.

Why is this a problem for me?

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Rue, when was this?

Just a random night of scrolling through my photos and I saw one of my favorite (and best) outfits ever. Then I was like, “When was this?” At that moment, all the things that have been inspiring me this year collided. 

I went back to Cebu when the travel and safety restrictions started to ease down, and the climactic and unfortunate election noise was becoming faint. The city has just gotten back to its normalcy. The music and party scenes are also starting to amplify again.

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july 27, 2022

These past few months have really changed the trajectory of the life I initially planned before. I used to want to rush to make things happen. And yet, I end up getting frustrated when I hit an expectation versus reality situation.

As an overachieving Capricorn, I want to do a lot of things in life. And as I think of all those things, it makes me feel like I always have to hurry up because it feels like I’m running out of time.

But I learned as months passed by that time is what we make of it. We can either count the days or count the moments. And I am choosing the latter.

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Revenge Body

Aside from personal inclinations and inspirations when it comes to style, one’s body—whatever the build, size, and curves—influences how they dress up. At least that’s what I think.

When I ventured into a lifestyle-based workout, I got the chance to explore the new shapes and silhouettes that work on my current physique. And the efforts of working hard to be a better version of myself every day came to fruition when I finally could be myself again in my safe place—Cebu.

After almost two years of staying in my hometown because of the pandemic, I decided to go back to my favorite city this month. And while so many things have changed since I left, the most noticeable change was the feeling deep inside.

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new shapes

Since my last style-related post, my body has drastically changed from being a medium tall slim-framed supermodel to what the homosexuals refer to as “twunk.”

To be completely honest, I really liked the way my body looked back then. I was aiming for a 90s heroin chic member of the grunge movement. But come 2020, I contracted the Coronavirus, which ultimately became a pivotal point in my fitness journey—well, that and my unbending will to reclaim my body.

And with new shapes come new opportunities to experiment with what would look great on my new body. If you’ve noticed in my old (ancient, at this point) posts, I used to don oversized and layered ensembles. It was my way of being a clothes hanger where I would wrap myself in different clothes that gave me the ease and the breeze of supermodels in the 90s.

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25 and alive

Throughout my life, I have been stuck with always having to choose how to live my life. Do I follow my masculine or feminine side? Should I just stick with what I know, or should I explore and take risks? Will it be okay if I can’t be the perfect boy people expect me to be? And it has given me such a hard time and a hard life overall.

The journey to self-discovery is not easy. And just because I fight my internal struggles with a smile on my face does not mean that the weight is not heavy.

At this point in my life, I have come to terms that I don’t have to choose a side. Instead, I’m embracing all sides of myself that make me unique—that make me who I am, with no apologies.

And from here on out, I’m choosing my happiness and myself over what people say I should be. I can’t please everyone, and I don’t wish to. As long as I live with kindness and respect, without hurting anyone, I will be at peace.

All that’s left now is continuing this journey of life with people who love and celebrate who I am.

Here’s to the past 25 years and making the rest of the years count. 

xx, K

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reclaiming my body 2021

Nobody told me that body image issues are associated with mental health. I always thought that if I were physically healthy, I’d be menatlly satisfied with how my body looked. That if I worked out and ate as healthy as I can, I’d look at myself in the mirror and be proud.

Having a physically fit body takes some time. I knew of that. 

But no matter how much validation I got from social media or people, in general, it feels like I haven’t done enough. I go home, take my clothes off, look at myself in the mirror, and see all those flabs I have. That compound of belly fat that shows as I begin to slouch. My flat ass. These rolls around my chin as I bow my head. 

No matter how much people tell me that they’ve seen progress on my body, it didn’t seem to coincide with what I have in my mind. 

“You will never get the body you want. You will quit soon. Fuck. You are so inconsistent.”

Continue reading reclaiming my body 2021

This is a Message from Chromatica

“Keep myself in beautiful places, paradise is in my hands…” – Lady Gaga, 911

First of all, I’m not here to talk about Chromatica.

Over the past 8 months, it’s an understatement to say that things have changed. No, Ma’am. Things have really gone 180. By the looks of it, even when this pandemic will be over, nothing will ever be the same.

I couldn’t imagine myself in the future without a mask in my bag and a bottle of isopropyl alcohol spray in my pocket. And as much as I have faith, wavering but steadfast, that humanity can get past this, we can’t go back to what normal was and we shouldn’t. 

Continue reading This is a Message from Chromatica