Hair: A Story of Trying to Fit In

hair trying to fit in - withkerr (1)

There are many times in a day that I say the word ‘I’. Who am I?

I’m a boy who is now living in city where eighty five percent of the surroundings is a 360-degree flip of where I came from – a little town southeast of the Philippines facing the pacific. Life was simple, boxed, and conservative. I never realized that, before I sat foot in the urban jungle, I hadn’t been in my full potential yet. I always believed that I have everything in the depths of my skin. I have never been so wrong.

Back home, I excelled in my academics as well as my extra-curricular activities. I was  one of the top students of my class, I’m a performer, and I even represented the my high school in a provincial level of a Math contest although I didn’t like Math. I graced everything that I did and it made me think that I am capable of doing everything I desire.

And then, college happened.

My first day at college was a blur. I have never felt so excluded and conscious of my own self. Ever know that feeling of fear that you might say or do something wrong? Yes. That’s it. I never felt like a stranger to anybody. But then I thought, “Hmmm, let’s see what all these nerds got.”

And from then forth, the “nerds”, who I now call my beloved friends, surpassed my expectations. Confidence level dropped and dropped as every opportunity to show off passed and all I could do was sit and laud whoever impresses the class. I felt like I hit rock bottom and I was some other no-good student.

I felt so left out and my only refuge at that time was to try to fit in. One particular scene was when I tried to join the gamers but internet cafés didn’t suffice my hygienic standards, I was too culture shocked by all the cursing here and there, and most of all, I didn’t know any game to play. So I got myself to get along with all the different personalities. I hung out with the cool ones but I felt like my intellect wasn’t used enough so I joined the smart-ass clique but I was too easily distracted. I tried to fit in so much that I forgot what I was and what I want to be.

Was being yourself still important in this step towards the real world? Did you really have to fit to a specific standard so that you would be a member of a distinguished society? Does keeping in touch with your soul and your humanity still make sense in an environment where most people you meet could be just temporary?

Yes. No. Yes.

At least for me. Knowing what I am and what I want kept me sane. I wanted to be happy.

Once I realized this, I went to the nearest barber shop, had a pompadour-style cut and went to school the next morning in my Blaine Anderson getup. It was enough to differentiate myself from others. The chameleon has revealed itself. I was more than what met their eyes and I was capable of so much more.

Soon as each semester progressed, I continued to do things that made me happy and filled my old soul with bliss. The box that sheltered me drifted away like it was splashed by a huge wave. Badminton Club, Course Council, blogging, and participation on various school activities lifted my spirits back. I met new people, some acquaintances and some for keeps. I made a name, though still small and humble, for myself in the social media stratosphere; I did things I didn’t know were up to my potential. I was that keen high school boy again. All of my little aspirations that thrived in my little beloved province are starting to get into reality once at a time, slowly and unwaveringly.

I am still that province boy with big dreams for myself and with a strong feeling of importance in the society. I want to prove something, not for other people but for myself; regardless of all the rapid change and shock, I will be a chameleon who can adapt and who can survive. But just like any other chameleon, I will not only conceal. I want the world to see that amidst the uniformity of all the young aspirants out there, I will be identified as me.

You can get the boy out of the province but you can’t get the province out of the boy. Add the city to that, too!

hair trying to fit in - withkerr (2)

I’ve had enough, this is my prayer that I’ll die living just as free as my hair. – LG

xx Kerr

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30 thoughts on “Hair: A Story of Trying to Fit In

    1. It’s what I’m trying to do right now and with it, I had to know first what I want and what makes me happy (as I mentioned above). That’s why I tried doing the things I like, eg blogging, badminton, so I could get in touch with who I was. It’s a work in progress. Thanks for the concern 🙂
      xx

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  1. It’s interesting how important our hair is. It’s a big part of the image we present to the world. For me, I find the thought of not having my hair long and black upsets me. I think it’s a big step towards deciding which side of yourself you want to present to the world that you chose this particular hairstyle.

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    1. Right? I mean that’s the reason why I titled this ‘Hair’ because it is essential to your personal identity.

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  2. I personally love the hair cut. Back on my college days, I can’t remember a time that I tried to fit in to others, but there was so much memories reminds me back when I was in Highschool. Studying in a private school where most of your classmates can afford the things you don’t have. Make
    Me feel frustrated, but sooner or later. I learned where to place myself. There are things that I don’t have, I’m fine with that and I just value the things that I have and find people who can appreciate it. If none, be unique and stand out.

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    1. Tama. I think it is just putting ourselves in the right place by being who we are and doing what we love. Yun ang natutunan ko during my early college days.
      xx

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  3. Interesting post. I guess almost all of us have that point in our life when we try to fit in with people, with the society and with the world. Whatever you find for yourself in the end, enjoy and trust the process. Everything will beautifully fall into place one day.

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    1. Thanks! Hopefully, everything falls into place. Nevertheless, I won’t stop being me and doing the things that I love. God bless!
      xx

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  4. You’re still young so you have plenty of time. Go on and try more things. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. It is not expected that you got life figured out. heck, there are lots of adults out there who still hasn’t figured everything out. Just be you. Don’t try to fit yourself in a box. 🙂

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  5. I was in an all girls high school and i just wanted to fit in. my mom’s meager earnings couldnt buy me clothes and shoes. I also had a face full of pimples thus my confidence was really low. That was me years ago, trying hard to fit in. i thank the Lord for that because it made me who i am now- somehow strong and realized i have myself and my talent should no one wants to accept me.

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    1. I also struggle because I had lots of pimples during my early college days. Now I’m in 4th year and I’m glad I didn’t let being an ugly duckling get in the way of doing the things that I love. Makakaraos din tayo. There’s no specific timeframe to always be better. Thanks for the kind words Momi Berlin!
      xx

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  6. It’s nice to fit in. But I think it is way better to be true to ourselves and if we stand out for being ourselves, then that is perfectly ok. 🙂 Dare to be different if being different is what makes you truly happy and alive. I don’t encourage my kids to fit in for the sake of fitting in or to simply stay out of trouble. I want them to grow up brave enough to live differently if that is what God calls them to do. 🙂

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  7. I had a similar post when I had my haircut last February. I used to have basic straight hair, but I had the urge to get full bangs – something I haven’t done before. The decision, surprisingly, made me braver. I am a very introverted person, so I’m just usually quiet and miss out on some things. Since that cut, I became more open and expressive, and that gave me a lot of opportunities. Funny how a haircut can actually change you.

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    1. True. And it’s not just the haircut, it’s also the feeling of starting with a blank canvas, something new – a new perspective. The haircut made the push, we made things happen, I must say.
      xx

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  8. Keep your head up high! If nobody will believe you, do it for yourself. Take a courage not to fit in but to express what you want. Even if I am in my native land, I still sometimes felt that I am different but I overcome my fear of not expressing who really I am. And, at the end, I am happy for myself.

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  9. My boyfriend and I have unique hair styles. There was a time when I was ombre (half-blonde on the tips) and he’s a half-head (half black, half blonde). It didn’t look weird to us. We loved each other for it. But to others they think it’s quite amusing. As long as you’re comfortable in your own skin, just keep pushing for what you want.

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    1. true. being comfortable while doing something really gives you so much room to breathe in making your work easier

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  10. I had difficulties blending in with my colleagues when I was still working in the office. I was considered as “one of the boys” during college days but when I entered the workforce, I was surrounded with women and always felt that I was “too boyish” to blend in with their crowd. Eventually I got tired of being in that position and luckily managed to land in an online job at home. It’s happier to be doing what you love and sticking to who you really are. Life is too short to pretend to be someone you are not.

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  11. There’s no need to fit in. Everyone is amazing the way they are. Believe in yourself and so will others do too. XO Sabine

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  12. You don’t need to fit in. If the people surrounding you are truly good ones, they won’t mind whether you are from nowhere. Just be you, it won’t cost you any. In fact, you will gain more friends just by being yourself.

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  13. It’s so easy to lose our identity in the middle of the crowd. It’s so easy to lose sight of what is important if we are busy trying to win the race when we are not even sure if we are on the right race.

    I guess what made me secure of myself when I was in college, and this I stopped me from beating myself, and from trying to prove myself to other people, is when I read Jeremiah 29:11

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